Whew....where to begin? I realize that I have not posted a full blog post since the beginning of September. As I have said on my social media pages, it has been nice to take a mental break from telling my story and processing all of the feelings that go along with it. This past October, I found myself slowly beginning to feel alive again with the arrival of Fall and the Halloween festivities. I wanted to fully embrace every moment. Those of you who have experienced trauma or heartbreak know what I'm talking about. You know the moments when they begin to come back. The moments like "Oh, that's what it feels like to belly laugh again," or "Oh, that's what it feels like to have a fun event without worrying about the silent treatment afterwards (or in my ex's case "getting quiet sometimes"). I feel so fortunate to have enjoyed all of spooky season to the fullest.....the events with friends, being part of a haunted forest, and just taking in the Fall colors around me. I do realize how corny a lot of this sounds......but I haven't felt this sense of "aliveness" since my childhood and teenage years.
These last two months I have also had the opportunity to tell my story on many different podcasts (see the "Podcast Guest Appearance" page on this blog for a list of what has been aired so far). Being a podcast guest has been a surreal experience. There was a time in my life where I hated the sound of my own voice except when I was singing, dancing, or acting. I know this sounds contradictory but it's true. I used to hate things like public speaking and I was terrified of leading therapy groups when I first started my career. But hearing my own voice on our modern day "radio" awakened something in me. I love to write. I always have. But...hearing my own voice speak my truth hits different.
When I was speaking to a wonderful woman named Alex before recording my episode on her podcast, What The F*ck Was I Thinking, she said something that resonated with me. She said part of her reason for starting her podcast was she felt she did not have anyone to speak to about her situation...a situation very similar to mine. As wonderful as my friends and family are, I felt/feel the same way at times. Alex was right about the podcast community. In just these few months, I have made connections with so many wonderful, empathetic, caring people across the world. I love hearing people's stories and I found comfort telling my own story to these wonderful hosts I have had the privilege of meeting so far.
That being said, I will continue telling my story (the good, bad, and the ugly) from the beginning as I said in this blog. But, I have decided to also make it available in audio format. Yes, I have decided to start my own podcast...not just for my story, but to give others a voice who have ever been discarded from a narcissistic, immature, or toxic relationship. I want others to share their stories of growth and transformation after trauma. I don't have a launch date at the moment. But I hope you stay tuned for "Life After Discard with Lauren."
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