I hope everyone had an amazing, celebratory, and/or restful Fourth of July weekend. I don't know about you, but it is so hard to believe that this year is half way over. Maybe it's because I am getting older and more aware of myself and my surroundings, but it feels like time is flying by at a rapid speed. Crazy.
Before I launched my podcast back in January, I made a post about "spilling the tea." Spilling the tea seems to be the go-to phrase in pop culture when describing the telling of all the, often excruciating, details of a story. I made a comparison to the Boston Tea Party when it comes to telling my story because it feels like I am dumping and dumping, hurling over the side, and dumping some more tea, much like the colonists before the start of a revolution. I came up with this metaphor because it is by far from an accidental "spill" of the tea. The place where I have currently "dumped" and am continuing to dump is my journal. Now that I am feeling more at peace and out of acute trauma recovery mode, it is overwhelming to see how much I have "dumped." There are so many details and events that are returning to me more clearly as well as other people who knew this person coming forward to me with a lot of information. I have so much more clarity on myself as well as who this "person" actually was.
With that being said, I am going to need some more time to "filter" all this tea from my journal before I premiere Season 3 of my own story on my podcast. (For those only reading the blog and not listening, the link to my podcast, Life After Discard, is available on a separate page). Right now my journal looks like free association and word salads at times. My intention is to release two more previously recorded guest episodes the last two weeks of July and begin Season 3 (my story) in the Fall after Labor Day. As I have said in previous bonus episodes, I felt like a lot of things last year were stolen from me because I was fighting severe depression. Much like the break I took from podcasting for the musical I was in this past Spring, I want to be fully present and enjoy the remainder of the Summer before going into my other favorite season, Fall.
Physical health is another thing I am focusing on. I may possibly do a separate episode about this part of my journey, but I haven't decided yet. I am working on getting my physical health back along with my mental health. I am hoping to be back in a dance studio this year (more on that later). This time last year, I was in the process of feeling better and doing podcast guest appearances, but I was also struggling in a lot of ways physically and mentally, particularly with my relationship with alcohol. I was very much still using that substance to mask feelings and cope with the painful healing process. Unfortunately, this theme of alcohol and the relationship I had with my ex is going to play a significant part in my story. This past March I randomly saw an ad for this app/program called Reframe. I have been using it ever since. It has been so amazing and life changing for me. I am currently on the Soberish/cutback track. I have been attending meetings and learning so much about myself and why I had this unhealthy relationship with alcohol for so long. I highly, highly recommend this app if you are struggling with your relationship with alcohol. And no, I am not getting paid to say that.
I am going to close this episode (or blog post) by reiterating again how much I appreciate everyone who is listening to this podcast. I am so, so grateful for the amazing, inspiring guests who have been on my show so far. I am so thankful for all your stories of resilience and healing. I can't wait to see what the future holds for all of you now that you are all post-discard. I am hoping to have more guests and some returning guests in the future. I am really excited about the direction this podcast is going both personally and professionally. If someone were to tell me a year ago today that I would be looking into a private online practice and being licensed in other states, I would have thought you were crazy. But, yes, because of this podcast I am getting more inquiries about expanding my mental health services to others beyond my current work at the hospital. More to come on that later.
I hope everyone has a good week. Take care of yourself and remember, keep growing and keep believing in yourself. Life gets so much fucking better after discard.
